Your weekly dose of legal absurdity, courtroom chaos, and mandatory fun, now with extra billable hours. Let's get into it! ⚖️😂
(And because if a partner finds this in their inbox, at least the jokes are short.)
You thought the hardest test you'd ever take involved constitutional law and forgetting your lunch during document review. Wrong!
The real test: getting an AI prompt to spit out something actually useful or, failing that, to at least make you laugh uncontrollably between redlines.
Here are the best, worst, and thirstiest AI prompts lawyers have tried in 2025. Results verified by actual legal professionals who haven't read past page 2 of a PDF since 2012.
The Reality: This prompt works because it forces AI to cut through legal jargon and focus on the money, risk, and timeline - the only three things partners actually care about. Try it with your next 47-page software licensing agreement and watch AI distill it down to "Client pays us $200K, we deliver software that probably works, and if it doesn't, we're only liable for $50 in damages."
Sample Output: "This is a standard SaaS agreement where the client pays monthly, we can terminate for any reason with 30 days notice, and their data belongs to them unless they stop paying, at which point it belongs to the digital void."
The Therapeutic Value: Surprisingly effective for stress relief. AI will craft a formal legal document seeking dismissal of your student loans, your mother's opinions about your career choices, and that opposing counsel who emails at 11 PM on Sundays. While legally worthless, it's cheaper than therapy.
Sample Output: "Comes now Plaintiff, a licensed attorney in good standing (barely), and respectfully moves this Honorable Life to dismiss the following causes of action: Count I (Unrealistic billable hour expectations), Count II (Bar exam PTSD), and Count III (The crushing realization that law school was a $200K mistake)."
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The Diplomatic Masterpiece: This prompt produces beautifully passive-aggressive correspondence that suggests the client might be "better served by counsel more aligned with their unique approach to legal compliance." It's the legal equivalent of "it's not you, it's me" but in 500 words with proper citations.
Sample Output: "While we have enjoyed our professional relationship, we believe your matter would benefit from attorneys who specialize in creative interpretations of federal regulations and have experience with clients who view court orders as suggestions."
Expanded Prompt:
"Rewrite the indemnification clause below so it fits into a group chat with Gen Z paralegals. Format as if it will be screenshotted onto Instagram stories and include at least one emoji per sentence."
Why it works (and when it doesn't):
Trying to make statutes relatable is noble, if doomed, but at least AI can bridge the gap between Black's Law Dictionary and TikTok. Extra points if the AI refuses to define 'inure to the benefit of successors and assigns' in less than 140 characters. Of course, if the emoji spellcheck flags the skull and crossbones, just call it a "decorative exculpatory clause."
Sample Output:
"Yo, mess up and gotta cover all my probs - no take-backs unless I say so. If my crew gets sued, u gotta help 💸👀. NotMyProblemIfURChill 💀😅."
Why It Fails: AI either produces a one-sentence agreement ("Party A gives Party B money. The end.") or a 200-page monstrosity that attempts to anticipate every possible human behavior since the dawn of civilization. Both approaches result in documents that make normal contracts look reasonable.
Actual AI Output: "In the event of nuclear war, alien invasion, or the heat death of the universe, Party A shall still perform their obligations under Section 4.2.7, unless such performance would violate the laws of physics, in which case this agreement shall be governed by quantum mechanics."
The Existential Crisis Generator: This prompt breaks AI's logic circuits. It will attempt to justify your financial decisions using economic theories, career satisfaction metrics, and societal benefit analysis before eventually producing an error message that reads suspiciously like "404: Rational justification not found."
Actual AI Attempt: "Your legal education provides valuable critical thinking skills that... processing... allow you to understand why you can't afford to buy a house despite having a doctorate-level degree... system error... would you like me to help you calculate compound interest on your loans instead?"
Your opposing counsel updated their Terms of Service again.
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The Professional Disclaimer: These prompts are for entertainment purposes only and should not be used in actual legal practice, client communications, or therapy sessions. Side effects may include: uncontrollable laughter, existential dread about the legal profession, and the sudden urge to ask AI to write your resignation letter.
Remember: AI is a tool, not a replacement for legal judgment. But it's definitely more reliable than that one partner who still dictates emails to his secretary and thinks "the cloud" is weather-related.
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Walter, Editor-in-Law
(Still not disbarred. Yet.)
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