Hello fellow Legal Eagles and Coffee Junkies,
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[See, e.g., Burnout v. Bonus Structure, 2025 WL F-This (S.D.N.Y. Jan. 2, 2025)]
January. The month when half of BigLaw smells like fresh coffee and broken dreams, and the other half is updating LinkedIn profiles at 2am while crying into billable time reports. Because nothing says "new year, new me" quite like drafting a resignation letter during partner track review season.
They tell you never to burn bridges. Cool. We've seen colleagues burn entire interstate highway systems on their way out.
Here's our field guide to the various resignation subspecies currently migrating across the legal landscape.
Exit Strategy: Simply stops showing up. Outlook calendar still shows "Busy" for the next six months.
Last Known Communication: "Running late to the 9am, start without me" (sent three weeks ago)
Bridge Status: Not burned. Just... dematerialized.
Likelihood of Rehire: Partner still hasn't noticed they're gone, so technically 100%?
The Ghost's genius lies in exploiting the one universal law firm truth: if your timesheets are current, nobody actually checks if you're alive. Their desk plant has outlasted their tenure. Their mug is still in the partner's dishwasher. IT keeps resetting their password. Beautiful.
Exit Strategy: Two weeks' notice. Transition memo. Exit interview conducted with genuine smile and zero sarcasm.
Last Known Communication: "I've prepared a comprehensive handover document with matter status, key contacts, and pending deadlines organized by urgency."
Bridge Status: Intact, reinforced, probably gilded.
Likelihood of Rehire: They'll be begged back within six months.
This mythical creature allegedly exists. We've never seen one in the wild, but the legends persist. Supposedly they leave "on good terms" and maintain "professional relationships" and other phrases that sound like they were generated by LinkedIn's AI. If you are this person, please contact us. We have questions. Starting with: how?
Exit Strategy: Reply-all to firm-wide email. Subject line: "SOME THOUGHTS."
Last Known Communication: A 4,000-word manifesto cc'ing every partner, associate, paralegal, and that one confused IT guy who just wanted to fix the printer.
Bridge Status: Crater visible from space.
Likelihood of Rehire: Negative infinity. May be banned from using email in all 50 states.
The Nuclear Option's resignation letter reads like a Supreme Court dissent written by someone who just discovered ALL CAPS. They cite to specific incidents from 2019. They attach exhibits. There are footnotes. Footnotes. This isn't a resignation letter, it's a white paper on workplace toxicity with aggressive cross-references.
Will this hurt their career? Probably. Will it feel amazing for approximately 45 seconds? Allegedly yes. Will they regret it by Tuesday? Motion granted.
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Exit Strategy: Announces departure to "pursue other opportunities" (has been building competing firm for eight months).
Last Known Communication: "Just following my passion!" (passion = stealing three associates and the client list)
Bridge Status: Burned, but in a friendly arson kind of way.
Likelihood of Rehire: LOL. But also, they don't need you anymore.
The Entrepreneur spent their last six months at the firm essentially running an undercover recruiting operation. Those "networking lunches" weren't networking. That "professional development" wasn't development. They were literally planning a heist, except instead of money, they stole billable hours and Westlaw passwords.
Respect? Grudging. Legal? Depends on your non-compete clause. Impressive? Honestly, yes.
Exit Strategy: Seamless transition to competitor firm. Professional. Clean. Boring.
Last Known Communication: "Thank you for the opportunity. I've learned so much."
Bridge Status: So intact it got a structural engineering award.
Likelihood of Rehire: Not applicable. They're making 40% more across the street.
The Lateral is playing chess while everyone else is playing emotional Jenga. They negotiated their new position for three months while maintaining perfect billable hours. They gave exactly two weeks' notice, not a day more. Their goodbye email was four sentences, each one perfectly calibrated to reveal nothing.
You'll see them at bar association events acting like nothing happened. You'll work with them on co-counsel matters within a year. This is a business transaction. They understand the game. Honestly, kind of terrifying.
Exit Strategy: Unclear. Events happened. HR was involved. We don't talk about it.
Last Known Communication: [REDACTED per settlement agreement]
Bridge Status: There was a bridge here once. Now there's just trauma.
Likelihood of Rehire: Let's focus on likelihood of recovery.
Look, we've all been there. Well, not there there. But close enough to understand. The Breakdown didn't plan to exit this way. One day they were fine, the next day they were sobbing in a conference room during a client call, and by Friday their desk was empty and nobody makes eye contact when their name comes up.
If you're reading this and feeling seen: therapy is billable to your mental health. The breakdown isn't your fault. The system is broken. You're going to be okay. (This is the only sincere paragraph in this entire newsletter. Marinate in it.)
Exit Strategy: Leaves for in-house role. Immediately starts posting photos of leaving the office at 5:30pm.
Last Known Communication: "I'm so excited to join [Fortune 500 Company] as [Title That Makes No Sense to Law Firm Partners]!"
Bridge Status: Intact but smug. So smug.
Likelihood of Rehire: They'll be back when they realize in-house also means meetings about meetings.
The Switcher's LinkedIn is 90% "work-life balance" content and 10% passive-aggressive posts about billable hours. They "don't miss the grind" (posted at 3pm on a Tuesday). They're "finally prioritizing wellness" (while responding to emails at 11pm because the business team doesn't understand deadlines).
We give them 18 months before they're back. The grass isn't greener, it's just astroturf. But let them enjoy it while it lasts.
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Exit Strategy: Gradually reduces hours, takes every possible leave, strategically underperforms until they're basically asked to leave.
Last Known Communication: "Out of office for personal day" (sent 47 times this quarter)
Bridge Status: Structurally questionable. Needs inspection.
Likelihood of Rehire: They already did this once here. You want them back?
The Slow Fade has mastered the art of getting paid while checking out mentally. Their billable hours look like a ski slope. They're suddenly "very interested in pro bono work." They take lunch breaks. Lunch breaks. They leave at 6pm. They're clearly dying inside but doing it on company time, which honestly, we respect.
This is the workplace equivalent of quietly quitting a relationship by becoming extremely boring until the other person does the dumping. Passive? Yes. Effective? Surprisingly.
Exit Strategy: "I just need some time to find myself."
Last Known Communication: Posted from Bali, caption: "Finally unplugged ✨"
Bridge Status: On hold pending return from spiritual journey.
Likelihood of Rehire: Depends on how good the Instagram content is.
The Sabbatical discovered that burnout isn't a personality trait, it's a medical condition, and the cure is three months in Southeast Asia with their laptop allegedly turned off (it's not). They're "doing some consulting" (checking email twice daily instead of 400 times). They're "exploring new opportunities" (scrolling LinkedIn from a hammock).
Are they coming back? Even they don't know. But their auto-reply is the most honest thing the firm has seen in years: "I am away and truly unavailable. For urgent matters, they weren't urgent. For emergencies, please contact [Partner Who Actually Caused This]."
Which resignation style have you witnessed? Which one are you planning? (Come on, it's January, you're at least thinking about it.)
Forward this to your work spouse who's updating their resume right now. Send it to opposing counsel who just jumped ship. Hell, cc your therapist. They'll understand.
Because here's the thing nobody tells you at law school orientation: you're allowed to leave. The bridge-burning discourse is just propaganda from people who benefit from your staying. Some bridges should burn. Some you maintain. Some you ghost entirely.
Your career is a marathon, not a sprint. And if you need to stop running entirely and sit down on the side of the road eating gas station snacks while questioning every choice you've made? That's also valid.
New year, new firm, new boundaries. Whatever you choose, bill it to personal development.
Walter, Editor-in-Law
Still not disbarred. Somehow.
🔥 The Professional (intact and boring)
🔥🔥 The Lateral (strategic exit)
🔥🔥🔥 The Ghost (what bridge?)
🔥🔥🔥🔥 The Nuclear Option (crater visible from orbit)
Know someone planning their exit? Share this before they do something they can't take back. Or don't. We're not your ethics counsel.
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